Saturday, March 9, 2013

The dating game

All of these men are probably perfectly lovely. I just don’t know how I got matched with them.

Upon the urging of friends I signed up for a computer dating service. I went with one that had a long process as the quick easy one was plastered with mug shots and was like inviting every creep from a bar into your house via your computer.
It took me two evenings to take the psychological test and upload my information. My post says I am a manager of a not for profit, who likes to cook, garden, bicycle, kayak and hike. You are required to list the books you have read. I listed Anne Tyler, Maeve Binchy, Joyce Carol Oats. You have to say how important your faith is to you. For me it’s a deal breaker.
I uploaded pictures of myself looking nice. Pictures of me at events where my hair is done and my clothes are nice. I share this information so that you understand that those men who see my profile know that I am clean. From the pictures you can almost smell the toothpaste I had just used to brush my teeth.
I have been matched with men who posted pictures of themselves with giant sunglasses on, and sweat pouring down their faces. No they aren’t exercising pictures, they’re just sweating pictures.
I have been matched with three different men connected to wood. The first was looking for a woman who could carry a load of firewood in. At least he puts it out there that he’s looking for a laborer. The second was a “whole tree chipper.” I’m not sure what he does if he comes upon a half a tree or a big branch. Will he not chip those? The third is a tree surgeon. So one kills trees and the other one nurses them back to health.
What about my profile indicates that I’m interested in these foresters? Is it because I like to hike and one sees trees on a hike? I have plenty of friends who hike, male and female, and none of them have a particular affinity for trees. I like to think I’m in that category.
I was matched with a dump truck driver who put as far as books, “The last book I read would have been in high school and I wouldn’t have liked it.” How did I get matched with him?
I was matched with another nonreader who stated “I don’t read.” He is a sewage treatment plant operator. Back in college I was assigned by the editor of the school paper to cover the sewage treatment plant facility open house. They served chocolate donuts and apple cider. I will never get the sights and smells of that day out of my mind, so I don’t think I can date him.
There are two matches that I don’t know how I got. You have to say what your religious affiliation is and how important it is to you. I have the settings set on high, my faith is very important to me. Imagine my surprise when I was matched with a warlock, and then a crystal healer!!! Something must be wrong with the program.
Other favorite matches: the widowed grandfather (I’m looking in a certain age group. He wasn’t in it.); the man passionate about crossword puzzles; and a man who lives for ice fishing.
I am sure out there is some man who can’t believe he’s been matched with me: a not for profit manager who likes to cook. Surely that is repulsive or at least funny to some.
What I’ve learned from this is that I like to laugh and I’m given opportunities to laugh daily. I have wonderful friends who have supported me through many things. This is so much more than many people have.
I’m learning to plan my weekends better. When I know I won’t have the girls home I’ve gotten good at asking friends to do things with me. As hard as it is for me to ask for help, my wonderful friends have responded nicely.
I hope all of those woodsmen find what they are looking for. I know it’s not me. I can honestly say I am perfectly okay being on my own.


  1. Perfectly okay being on your own... amen to that! Oh Maureen, what a post!!

    Please do not get me started about that particular service, which I think may be the same one that I once used, with a long questionaire. I was extremely clear that I was interested in people nearby, Nyack at the time. Faith was essential as well. And at the time I was not entirely sure about men who had kids, so I said no kids.

    I got out of towners with no faith, and out of 3 of the matches, two were widowers. One with 6 kids! Again, probably all nice men... just not for me. This was 11 years ago; clearly they have not improved, although it may just be a common fluke.

    Your outlook is good and your heart seems filled with wisdom and grace!

    1. Fran it is so funny that you were in Nyack and getting matched with out of towners. I was matched this week with someone from Nyack! I've been matched with guys 3 hours away.
      Oh how I wish I could figure out a way to make this all into a book!